


Holidays at the OKΣ House

by GleeCastOST



Series: The Sisters of OKΣ [2]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Crack?, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27215344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleeCastOST/pseuds/GleeCastOST
Summary: Just because the ghost is gone, doesn't mean the adversity for our girls is too. Between finals, relationships, parental pressures, and more - it's sure to be an eventful holiday season.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Series: The Sisters of OKΣ [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962718
Comments: 53
Kudos: 208





	1. It Began with a Letter

**Author's Note:**

> let me just make a continuation to my least popular fic ever, great plan, i know.

It began with a letter. Most terrifying things do these days. Even a month after Halloween, Beatrice was still closely acquainted with fear. She recognised the handwriting at once, the return address shortly after. With trembling fingers, she carefully tore open the envelope. There were three pieces of paper inside. Two of which were plane tickets, the third, a handwritten letter. A million thoughts flooded through her head as she unfolded it, none of which were pleasant. 

_ To our daughter Beatrice,  _

_ Your mother and I have missed you dearly since you left. It’s hard to believe it’s been three years since we’ve seen you last. We’re both worried, of course, since you rarely answer our calls or emails. Of course, we both know that this must be because you have been incredibly busy with your studies. I have no doubt that you are at the top of your class - although that is not much of an achievement at that subpar school of yours.  _

_ Included with this letter are your tickets to come home for Christmas this year. It’s been too long since we’ve seen one another. Your mother and I both agree that your avoidance has gone on long enough. Perhaps it is time for us to make amends. You ought to be pleased to know that we’ve become friends with the dean of admissions at Cambridge. We have plans to invite him over, should you wish to make his acquaintance, he might be willing to help you transfer. His son is handsome and successful, too. He may make a nice husband for you one day. _

_ We look forward to seeing you in a few weeks. _

Tears fell from her eyes almost at once, though thankfully she was alone in her room. She felt the familiar pressures and expectations of youth crushing her. It was difficult to get a full breath beneath the burden of them. Carefully, Beatrice hid the letter and the plane tickets within one of her textbooks, as if that would erase the problem.

_ A husband? A transfer? _ She didn’t know which part of the letter to be more frustrated about. It was doubtful her parents missed her at all, but it was clear they still weren’t above manipulating her. Trying to, at least. A sharp exhale punctuated the silence. During her school holidays, she had always stayed in the sorority house, or Camila took her home. Camila’s family was everything that Beatrice’s wasn’t: warm, loving, and kind. They were also fairly local, which was a nice bonus, since her mom sometimes stopped by with treats. 

Yet, this year felt different. Of course, it started with a haunting which was an ordeal in itself. And… There was Ava. She made matters infinitely more complicated for Beatrice, usually in the best way possible. If Ava knew what Beatrice’s parents were like, she wouldn’t want her flying home at all. A part of her was tempted to rip up the tickets and forget about going, but she felt inexplicably compelled. Despite years apart and memories of abuse, her parents clearly still had a hold over her. She felt an obligation, at least, which was more than she owed them. 

“Beatrice? Are you ready?” Ava’s voice accompanied her knock on the door. 

“Just a moment!” Beatrice replied as she rapidly wiped the tears from her face and put on her jacket. She composed herself, took a deep breath, and opened the door. 

“Hi.” Ava whispered, smiling as though she was seeing Beatrice for the first time. 

“Hi” Beatrice echoed, a matching smile on her face. Ava gently took her hand as they walked down to the car.

“Do you think it’ll start snowing soon?” Ava asked as Beatrice drove into town. 

“It’s certainly cold enough.” She answered quietly, while casting a curious glance over at Ava. She still only wore a hoodie, although now there was a second, long-sleeved shirt underneath it.

“I can’t wait!” Her excitement was palpable, contagious. Since Ava’s near expulsion from omicron due to grades, she’d been exceedingly focused on her studies. Between that and declaring a major, she was more motivated than ever, and her grades continued to climb.

“Ava…” Beatrice began, almost nervous, as she parked on a narrow side street. “Please let me buy you a coat. You’re already shivering and I  _ know  _ you aren’t going to stay inside once the snow comes.” 

“No, that’s okay.” Ava stiffened uncomfortably, before climbing out into the evening. “Thank you, though.” 

“Mhmm…” Beatrice locked the car and took Ava’s hand in her own. She dropped the matter, for now, although she wouldn’t forget it.

Christmas music blared from nearby shops as they walked along the sidewalks. There were lights strung up between the streetlamps and a massive Christmas tree in the square. 

“This is so freaking  _ cute _ !” Ava hopped up and down in excitement. “I love Christmastime so much!” 

“You acted the same way about Halloween.” Beatrice reminded her with a grin. 

“People can like more than one season, Beatrice.” 

“You seem to like all of them.” 

“I do.” Ava pulled herself closer to Beatrice as they continued to walk. There were dozens of families and couples milling about, spending time together and shopping for the holidays. 

“Why?” Beatrice’s curiosity was genuine, she’d never met anyone who took as much joy in the mundane as Ava did. 

“No one’s ever asked me that.” She paused for a few steps, thinking of words for a feeling she’d never verbalised. “Seasons are going to come and go, no matter what. Might as well appreciate them.”

“There’s more to it than you’re saying.” Beatrice whispered as they ducked into the warm restaurant on the corner. The waitress smiled at them both, seating them in a small booth by the window. 

“In the orphanage we never got to celebrate holidays, not really. We were forced to go to mass for religious holidays, but that’s it. I guess… I’m making up for lost time.” Ava admitted quietly. 

“Oh… I’m sorry.” Beatrice regretted asking, partially. Another part of her was still deeply curious about Ava, about everything that made her unique. Which was most things, in truth, because Ava was a unique woman. 

“It’s alright, Beatrice.” Ava placed a hand over Beatrice’s. “It’s okay to want to know things. It’s okay to be curious about the people you… Care about.” Her hesitation was telling.

“You think I care about you, huh?” Beatrice smirked from behind the menu, the quip meant to hide her nervousness. 

“I have my suspicions.” Ava retorted. “What are you getting?” 

“No idea. You?” 

“Dumplings. Always dumplings.” Ava hadn’t even looked at the menu. “I get them every time I come here, they’re phenomenal.”

“Okay. I trust you.” When the waitress came back to the table, Beatrice ordered dumplings for them both. Ava’s recommendations for seasonal beverages were terrible, but for food they were fantastic. 

“So…” Ava mumbled once the waitress had left them alone. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine.” Beatrice desperately wanted to tell Ava about the letter from her parents but she couldn’t bring herself to mention it.

“Hmm… A lot to unpack there.” Ava muttered with a grin. “How is school?” 

“Also fine. Finals are coming up, as I hope you are aware of.” 

“I am. Actually…” Ava blushed, suddenly self-conscious. “If I finish this semester strong, I might make dean's list, which is weird to think about.” 

“Ava!” Beatrice was unabashedly proud of Ava. The two of them had worked together through November to help Ava develop better study skills and habits. She was already bright and the work had clearly paid off. “That’s amazing!”

“I mean, maybe not for you. But I’ve never made it before…” 

“It is a big deal and I am proud of you.” Beatrice squeezed Ava’s hand in her own. Of course, she had been top of her class every semester since she started college, but she’d had a plethora of advantages, too. Between that, her hard work, and intelligence, it wasn’t even a fair competition. 

“Really?” 

“Absolutely!” Beatrice smiled and Ava’s eyes lit up. 

“That’s high praise, coming from you.” Ava whispered with a cheeky grin. “But… Well, there’s something serious I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now, but I’ve been too scared to do it.” 

“Yes?” Beatrice had a feeling she knew what Ava was going to ask, but tried not to get her hopes up, just in case. 

“We’ve… Gone on a lot of dates now. Plus, even though our ghost is gone we still…” Her nervousness was endearingly adorable. “We still share a bed most nights...” Neither of them had been willing to give up the warm companionship. “I thought we could stop dating and… Maybe I could  _ officially  _ call you my…” Ava’s voice dropped to a whisper. “ _ Girlfriend. _ ” 

Had Beatrice been eating, she definitely would’ve choked. Not because she was surprised at Ava’s words, no, they were happily predictable. But hearing Ava say it made her heartbeat accelerate and her face grow red. 

“I… Would really like that.” Beatrice answered, finally, a smile on both their faces. 

“Oh, thank  _ God. _ ” Ava laughed, a cathartic release of tension. “I was scared you would say no.” 

“I would never… I was actually beginning to wonder when you would ask.” 

“You ass!” Ava chastised her jokingly, just as the waitress returned with their dumplings. 

“Am I interrupting something here?” She wondered as she slid the plates onto the table. Her concern was genuine. 

“No, although I have just been betrayed.” Ava told the waitress with unnecessary dramatics. Only then did she realise they were joking around. 

“I’m… Sorry to hear that? Enjoy the food.” 

“Thank you.” Beatrice told her kindly before turning back to Ava. “You have a way of making a scene.” 

“Well, I don’t get out much.” Ava replied. Her words had the cadence of a joke, although there was a hollowness about them that lacked humour. 

“Ava…” Beatrice began, before realising her words were falling on deaf ears. She might be the subject of Ava’s affections, but she’d always lose the battle with food. Idly, Beatrice watched Ava eat, wondering what it’d be like to bring her  _ girlfriend  _ back with her to England. A terrible idea, surely, and one she couldn’t impose on Ava. 

“There’s something bothering you.” Ava mumbled, her mouth full of food, while Beatrice ate more reservedly. 

“What?” Beatrice was understandably surprised; there had been a few minutes of silence between them. 

“What’s wrong?” She set her chopsticks down and focused on Beatrice, the concern in her voice more than obvious. 

“I…” Beatrice paused, for too long. She weighed out her limited options. “I’m just stressed about finals. My chemistry professor always writes impossible exams.”

“Okay…” Ava gave her a discerning look, as if she didn’t quite believe her, but dropped the subject all the same. “I know you’ll ace it. You always do.” 

“And I’m grateful for the confidence you have in me.” Beatrice smiled, but it felt false. 

After dinner, they headed back out into the cold. Sharp gusts of wind wound their way through the streets, making Ava shiver against Beatrice. 

“Can we stop for cocoa before we go home?” 

“Of course, it’s the only drink you like that isn’t disgusting.” Beatrice joked. 

“Hey!” Ava protested as she opened the door to a nearby coffee shop. 

“Sorry, it’s the truth.” Beatrice whispered as they stood in line. 

At the counter, Ava ordered a hot chocolate for the both of them, with whipped cream. “Can we drink these outside and look at the lights?” 

“Sure.” Beatrice held the cocoa in one hand, Ava in the other. The cold welcomed them back and the lights were picturesque in the dark. 

“With snow, this would look even better.” Ava murmured, standing still as she looked at the quant scene before her. 

  
Beatrice didn’t reply, instead opting to watch Ava in her amazement. Her genuine happiness and appreciation for seemingly everything made Beatrice smile. That, and the mustache of whipped cream that hung over her mouth. Ava’s innocence, perhaps more than anything else, convinced Beatrice that she was right not to bring up her parents. She couldn’t bear bringing that type of negativity into Ava’s life. She  _ wouldn’t.  _ End of discussion. 


	2. The Annoyance of Symbolism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice struggles with a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update marks 300k words of WN fanfic ive written. wtf wtf wtf

“Well, are you going to go?” Camila asked the next morning, as the two of them were alone in the kitchen. 

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Beatrice didn’t feel as though she did. All her life, she’d been conditioned to do as her parents instructed. 

“You always have a choice. My mom would love to see you.” Camila gave her a kind smile as she poured her oatmeal into a bowl.  
“I know…” Beatrice leaned against the counter. She had hoped talking to Camila would make her decision easier, but it didn’t.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, you know that.” 

“I know. I just…” She paused, unsure of herself in a way that felt eerily familiar to that of her childhood. It frustrated her immediately, she hated the level of control her parents exerted over her, even now. “If I go, I’ll be trapped there. Alone and at their mercy.” 

“You would be able to text and call us, at least, right?” 

“Yes, I suppose, although my parents have incredibly strict rules about phone usage.” 

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Camila raised an eyebrow as she sat down at the table to eat with Beatrice. While she had never met Beatrice’s parents, she knew more about their relationship than anyone else. 

“But if I don’t go… Part of me feels like that isn’t allowed, like that isn’t even an option. Plus, there is another consideration.”

“Ava.” Camila whispered, earning a nod from Beatrice. “Would you take her with you? Actually, come to think of it, I don’t know where Ava went last year.” 

“I couldn’t… She’d be miserable. My parents would hate her. Yet, at the same time, part of me desperately wants her to come.” Beatrice fervently wished she had a supportive family, a group of people who’d welcome her new _girlfriend_ with open arms.

“I get that. I’m bringing Lilith with me. She’s surprisingly nervous to meet my parents, it’s pretty funny.”

“Oh, that should be interesting.” Beatrice smirked at the thought of a nervous Lilith meeting Camila’s loud, loving family. It was a sharp difference from Lilith’s hyper traditional household.

“She’ll do well.” Camila smiled and then continued speaking. “But if Ava knows even a fraction of how your parents have treated you, she won’t want you to go. I don’t even need to talk to her to know that.” 

“You’re right.” Beatrice knew this before talking to Camila, but having it confirmed complicated matters. “I haven’t talked to her yet.”

“I figured that much.” 

“Ugh…” Beatrice buried her head in her hands. “I hate this. I hate not knowing what to do.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” Camila laid a gentle hand on Beatrice’s shoulder. “But, I have faith you’ll do the right thing when the time comes. And hey, at least our house isn’t haunted anymore.”

“It’s the little victories.” Beatrice mumbled sardonically. She already had a headache and she hadn’t even gone to class yet.

“That’s the spirit!” Camila offered Beatrice a few more words of encouragement, before they parted ways and headed to class.

Ava sat at an oversized wooden table, looking out the window instead of paying attention to the lesson. Granted, she was at least going to class now. From the third floor she had a great view of the quad and hills that surrounded campus. Dark clouds were rolling in, but there was a little bit of sunlight left. For now, at least. Idly, Ava couldn’t help but think about how, if her life was a novel, this moment would be touted as symbolism. 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she sneakily checked her notifications. It was the sorority group message, as it almost always was. 

Mary: _Who’s free to meet for lunch in a bit?_

Shannon: _Am I not good enough for you?_

Mary: _Of course you are, but we have other friends_

Lilith: _I have class til 2, sorry_

Camila: _Same (we are in the same class, hi sweetie)_

Lilith: _hi_

Beatrice: _I get out of class at 12:30, I’ll be there_

Ava: _me too!!!!!!!!!_

She smiled at the thought of not only seeing Beatrice, but Mary and Shannon too. All of them had been exceptionally busy in preparation for finals, and as a result, spending less time together. As she continued to reflect on this, her professor was moving around the room handing back graded papers. She gave Ava a polite nod as she set the paper face down in front of her. With surprisingly nervous hands, Ava flipped the stapled sheets over, revealing an ominous message alongside her grade. _A. See me after class._

“Alright, that’s more than enough for today, I’ll let you go early. I hope you are all prepared for your finals. Have a great weekend!” She waved at the class as they left, while Ava remained in her seat. Once the classroom was empty, Ava timidly headed to the front desk. 

“Am I in trouble?” She asked quietly.

“What?” Her teacher seemed confused. “Not at all. Just the opposite, actually. You haven’t missed a day of class for an entire month.”

“Oh…” Ava was still reeling, she hadn’t yet adjusted to the fact that she wasn’t in trouble. 

“I’m impressed. It’s not often we see a student do such a 180 in their studies. And I’m glad you did, because your last paper was one of the best I’ve had in all the years I’ve been teaching this subject.” 

“Really?” Ava looked down at the assignment she still had clutched in her hand. 

“Really. Don’t look so surprised, you’re a smart woman.” 

“People keep telling me that, I guess I’m just a bit hesitant to believe them.” Ava smiled as she, once again, overshared with one of her professors. Very on brand.

“I’m curious to see what you come up with for your final paper. Your analysis of the text in this paper was refreshing and well-reasoned.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Of course. Have a great weekend, don’t forget to study.” Her professor added, before turning back to her work.

Ava headed into the hallway and stopped to file away the paper. A quick glance at her phone confirmed her suspicions - she was early. Quickly, Ava headed for the doors and across campus. If she walked fast, she could meet Beatrice outside her class. Cold wind whipped across her face the moment she exited the hall, but it made Ava smile. This was not only hot cocoa weather, but snow had to be coming soon! As she walked, she made a mental note to check the weather later. The first snow of the season was always a special day, she didn’t want to miss it.

Outside of the modern-looking science buildings, Ava hopped up and down as she waited, trying desperately to stay warm. To those who walked by, she probably looked crazy, but that didn’t matter. Once Beatrice emerged from the building, Ava greeted her with an energetic wave and a bright smile. The wave was returned, albeit much more calmly, as Beatrice walked over to meet her. 

“Hi.” Ava smiled. Beatrice didn’t answer, instead opting to wrap her arms around Ava and hide her face with Ava’s sweatshirt. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m stressed.” Beatrice mumbled as Ava held her upright.   
“Just stressed?” Ava was grateful for the contact, but she wasn’t stupid. 

“And tired. I’ve been in lab since nine.” Beatrice added. 

“Okay…” Ava didn’t seem convinced and she regarded Beatrice carefully once they broke apart. “Let’s go get some food in you, okay? Food heals all wounds.” 

Gently, Ava took Beatrice’s hand in her own and led her towards the university’s dining hall. In the building’s atrium, they found Mary and Shannon, who greeted them both eagerly. 

“My two favourite moms!” Ava laughed as she gave them both a quick hug. 

“Ava, stop calling us that.” Mary chastised her with a smile. 

“You don’t have to stop, she secretly likes it.” Shannon added before placing a quick kiss on Mary’s cheek. “How are you, Beatrice?”

“I’m alright, thank you. How are you two?” Beatrice’s tone was unusually formal, but her sisters were too polite to comment on it. 

“We’re good. Finals and capstone projects have kept us both busy.” Mary answered, although Shannon collaborated with a nod. “But enough talk, let’s get some food.” 

“Now that’s what I like to hear.” Ava replied as they headed deeper into the building. 

After a slightly hectic ordering process, the four of them found seats together at one of the high tables that ran the length of the room. Under the table, Ava kept a hand on Beatrice the entire meal, almost sensing that she needed the comfort. 

“How’s school going?” Shannon asked Ava once they were settled. 

“It’s good, actually.” Ava’s mind immediately flew back to class and the comments from her professor. “Almost surprisingly so. Sometimes I get worried that it’s all just a fluke.” 

“It’s not.” Mary looked up from her food, immediately understanding where Ava was coming from. “It’s not a fluke.”

“Agreed.” Shannon told her. 

“Okay, okay.” Ava smiled. “What are you two doing for Christmas?” 

“Mary’s coming home with me. Should be great!” 

“Are you nervous?” Beatrice inquired, suddenly. 

“Haha, no.” Mary laughed. “I’ve met Shannon’s mom a dozen times now, she’s really nice.”   
“Oh…” Beatrice looked at Ava then back at Mary. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“What about you?” Mary wondered, not blind to the tension in Beatrice’s words and body language. 

“I’m not sure yet…” Beatrice answered as honestly as possible, while ignoring Ava’s reaction. She didn’t want to talk about this right now. She couldn’t deal with this right now.

“I’m staying at school, just as I did last year. Not very exciting, I know.” Ava replied quietly.

“Ava!” Shannon slapped the table. “For the last time, come with Mary and I!” 

“No, that’s okay.” Ava flashed them a smile, but Beatrice immediately recognised it as false. “I like the solitude.” 

“You’re ridiculous. Beatrice, I hope you can talk some sense into her.” Mary muttered, clearly frustrated with Ava’s stubbornness. 

“I’ll try my best.” 

“Glad to hear it.” Shannon told them both. 

Twenty minutes later, Shannon and Mary left for the library, leaving Beatrice alone with Ava. “What are you actually doing over the holiday?” Ava asked her almost immediately. 

“I…” Beatrice took a deep breath. She knew she couldn’t keep running from this conversation, but she still wasn’t ready to have it yet. “I really don’t know.” 

“What did you do last year?” 

“I went to Camila’s.” 

“And the year prior?” 

“I stayed at school.” 

“Why?” Ava obviously wasn’t going to drop the issue. 

“Because I didn’t want to go home, okay?!” Beatrice slammed a fist into the table, uncharacteristically angry. 

“I’m sorry…” Ava held her hands up in defeat. As much as she tried to remain calm, the outburst had scared her. A moment later, she slid from her chair and left. There wasn’t a hint of anger on Ava’s face, only hurt. 

Beatrice sighed, trying to hold back tears, but she didn’t go after Ava. Rain began to fall, pelting against the massive windows that lined the dining hall. Eventually, she cleared the plates from the table and moved towards the door to leave. A sick, guilty feeling settled in her stomach. As she swung her bag onto her back, she realised that Ava had left her bag at the table too. Inside, her wallet, keys, and phone. 

Trying to remain as calm as possible, she grabbed Ava’s bag and left. She ran through the rain, back to the OKΣ house. Her tears mixed with the rain, her clothes entirely soaked by the time she reached the door. With shaking hands, she put away both bags and made herself a cup of tea. The familiarity of the routine allowed her a moment to calm down. As she carried the steaming mug upstairs, Beatrice knew she wasn’t going back to class that day. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

Much more worryingly, however, Ava still hadn’t returned home.


	3. Down with the Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Beatrice share a lengthy discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont @ me but chicago style pizza isn't pizza. its savoury pie. its still GOOD though, just not pizza. ya feel?

A heavy pounding woke Beatrice from her slumber. She looked around, confused. It was darker than she thought it should be, in her disorientation from an unplanned nap. Her eyes were swollen from tears as she ran downstairs. It had to be Ava, it had to be! No one else was home now. Beatrice threw open the front door revealing a soaked Ava. Rain was still pouring, inescapable. 

“Ava…” Beatrice whispered, pulling her inside at once. Ava flinched as Beatrice touched her, but she didn’t resist. Her clothes dripped heavily and she shivered violently. “Hold on, I’ll run and get you something dry.” Beatrice pelted up the stairs, frantically searching through her own wardrobe for something for Ava to wear. She returned a moment later, dry hoodie and sweatpants in hand. “Change, please. I’ll turn around.” 

Ava didn’t speak, but did as she was instructed. Beatrice turned around, but she could hear Ava’s teeth chattering as she climbed out of her soaked clothes. Once she had changed, Ava picked up the wet pile of clothes and carried them into the laundry room. Beatrice watched her go, a look of terror on her face. Was this it? 

“Did you bring my backpack home?” Ava asked her through shivers once she returned.   
“Yes. It’s in your room.” Beatrice answered, unsure of where they stood.   
“Thank you.” Ava turned away towards the stairs.   
“Ava, wait.” Beatrice pled. “Can we talk? Please?”   
“I…” Ava froze. Beatrice hated how scared she looked. “Alright.”   
“Thank you.” 

The two of them headed upstairs, safe behind Beatrice’s closed door. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just… There’s something I need to tell you about.”   
“You don’t want to go home because your parents are awful.” Ava posited, from the corner where she stood, wrapped tightly in Beatrice’s comforter. It did little to stop her from shivering.   
“How’d you know?”   
“I’m not stupid.” 

“I know that…” Beatrice swore she could feel Ava pulling away from her. “They sent me a letter…” She flipped through her textbook pages and withdrew the sheet of paper, handing it to Ava. Her eyes scanned each line and Beatrice was surprised to see tears on her face.   
“Are you going to go?” Ava wondered, trying to remain impartial despite the sickening anger in her stomach.   
“I don’t know.” 

“Why?” If Ava wasn’t mad before, she certainly was now.  
“Why what?” Beatrice was equally frustrated, though not with Ava.   
“Why are you undecided? Why do you think you owe them anything? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Ava’s voice increased in pitch, cracking intermittently.   
“I don’t know!” Beatrice knew she looked crazy, her cheeks burned and tears fell freely from her face. “I was scared!” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I am scared.”

“Why?” Ava asked again, shrinking into the corner as she did so. She looked exhausted, pale.   
“I…” Beatrice paused. She didn’t know why.   
“From the little you’ve told me, they’ve always treated you terribly. Do you secretly want to go? Do you want to transfer?” Ava’s eyelids fluttered for a moment but she continued. “Do you… Want a husband?”   
“You have to know that I don’t! How can you even ask that?” 

“Make me… Understand, then.”   
“Ava, are you alright?” Beatrice couldn’t focus on their discussion with how wretched Ava looked. She took a step forward, slowly, wanting nothing more than to help.  
“I’m fine.” She breathed, just before her knees buckled beneath her. Beatrice caught her with surprising speed.   
“Bed. Now.” Beatrice ordered, lifting Ava’s shivering frame and guiding her towards the bed. 

With gentle movements, Beatrice tucked her blankets around Ava. Thankfully, she didn’t recoil from Beatrice’s touch this time.   
“I’m sorry.” Ava mumbled from her cocoon.  
“Why?” Beatrice sat beside her, the concern evident on her face.   
“For running away. Instead of talking to you. You were upset. Should have helped.” Ava leaned her head against Beatrice’s shoulder. 

Tenderly, Beatrice brushed her hand against Ava’s forehead. “Ava, how are you feeling? You’re really hot.”   
“I know.” Ava smirked and gave her a wink.  
“Oh my God.” Beatrice rolled her eyes. “Seriously, you feel feverish.”   
“But I’m freezing.” The constant shivering could attest to that.   
“You’re impossible.” Beatrice stood up. “I’ll be right back.”

She quickly ran down to the kitchen and put on a pot of tea. As it boiled, she leaned against the counter, thoughts swirling through her mind. It was impossible to pin down everything she was feeling. Guilt was the biggest contributor, but she was grateful that she and Ava were done fighting, more or less. The thought of being without Ava made her sicker than she could cope with. Beatrice was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t hear Camila and Lilith enter the room. 

“Bea, what’s wrong?” Camila asked the second she saw Beatrice’s face.   
“So… I talked to Ava about what you and I discussed this morning…” Beatrice knew that was far from the truth.   
“Did it not go well?” Lilith wondered. She’d been absent for Beatrice’s conversation with Camila, but she could tell Beatrice was upset.  
“Not exactly. My fault.” The teapot interrupted her and she quickly poured the steaming water into two mugs. “Also Ava’s sick.” 

“That part isn’t your fault though.” Camila reassured her with a smile.   
“It feels like it.” Beatrice sighed heavily. “She was out in the cold rain for hours.”   
“Why?” Lilith’s tone was unreadable.   
“We were fighting. Sort of?” Beatrice wasn’t entirely sure if it was a fight. She wasn’t angry at Ava, and for the most part, Ava hadn’t been angry with her.   
“You two will figure it out.” Camila stepped forward and gave Beatrice a quick hug. “Let us know if you need anything.”  
“Thank you.” Beatrice thanked them both before they headed upstairs. After adding a copious amount of honey to Ava’s tea, she returned to her room. 

“You made this for me?” Ava whispered as she held the steaming mug in front of her face.   
“Yes?”   
“Why?”   
“Why do you keep asking me that?” Beatrice sat back down next to her.  
“Sometimes I don’t understand why you do the things you do. Why you think the things you think.” Ava explained quietly. “You don’t have to take care of me, you know.”

“I want to. It’s my fault you’re sick.” Beatrice leaned her head against the wall and sighed. “Even if it weren’t, I would still take care of you.”   
“It’s not your fault.” Ava smiled gently. “I ran out into the rain with my…” She paused, making air quotes. “Improper jacket.”   
“Ava, it’s not even a jacket. It’s a hoodie.”   
“Same thing.” She took a deep sip of her tea. “Pretty good. Could use more honey though.” 

“Don’t start with me.” Beatrice laughed, Ava’s appetite for sugar was unparalleled.   
“Are you going to go?” Ava asked after a moment’s hesitation.   
“I don’t know.” She felt overwhelmed trying to make a decision either way.  
“Tell me about it.” Ava didn’t want her to go, obviously, but she also didn’t want to force her opinions on Beatrice. She worried that would only cause more strife. 

“As much as I don’t want to, I feel an obligation to go. Like I owe my parents a visit. It’s been years…”   
“But…?” Ava prompted.  
“But I don’t want a transfer and I don’t want to spend the entire holiday being ferried to different parties. I don’t want to spend all my time trying to network and impress my parents’ elite friends. I really like my life here.” 

“What if I went with you?” Ava offered in a tiny voice.  
“Absolutely not.” Beatrice was adamant.   
“Why not?”   
“Even if I took you as just a friend… They wouldn’t accept you.”   
“Is it… Is there something wrong with me?” Ava felt suddenly ashamed. 

“No. Of course not. But you don’t fit into their very narrow definition of what it means to be ‘proper.’” Beatrice hated having to explain this to Ava. “If they were to find out you were my… Girlfriend… I don’t even want to think of it.”   
“Beatrice.” Ava placed her hand over Beatrice’s. “I am going to say this as gently as possible. They don’t deserve a visit from you - no matter how much you think you owe them one.”   
“I…” Beatrice forced her eyes closed, a futile attempt to keep the tears in. “I wish I could see it as you do.” 

“What’s stopping you?”   
“A lifetime of manipulation.” Beatrice felt defeated. “It’s only a week. What’s the worst that could happen?”   
“Do you actually want me to answer that?” Ava’s anger flared up again, making her hands shake more than they already were.   
“I just feel as though it’s something I need to do. Maybe this is it, I can get closure with them, and end that chapter of my life.” Beatrice was borderline delusional in her hopefulness. 

“At the end of the day… It’s not my decision, it’s yours.” Ava wrapped herself around Beatrice, feeling the full weight of her exhaustion for the first time. “I’ll support whatever decision you make and I’ll be there for you, no matter what?”   
“Really?”   
“Of course.” Ava closed her eyes as she nestled into the blankets. Beatrice could feel the heat radiating from her skin. “My love for you is unconditional.” 

“Your what?” Beatrice whispered, after a long pause. Her eyes were wide with shock. Ava didn’t answer, of course, having fallen asleep while Beatrice ran through a full gambit of thoughts. Ava loved her? Did she love Ava? Almost immediately, Beatrice knew the answer was yes. Fresh tears slid down her face, albeit for an entirely different reason. After a few minutes of watching Ava’s peaceful face as she slept, Beatrice crept off the bed. Just in case, she scrawled out a quick note, in case Ava awoke before she returned. 

Ava,

I went to get dinner for us both. I’ll be back soon. Sorry again. 

\- Beatrice

Mary and Shannon still hadn’t returned, while Camila and Lilith shared a quiet dinner in the kitchen. Beatrice smiled as she heard them talking, before slipping on her coat, and heading out into the rain. She put her hood up as her breath hung in the frosty air. A few more degrees and this rain would turn to snow. Ava would be delighted. 

In the car, she cranked up the heat, holding her hands in front of the vents for several seconds. Before getting food, though, Beatrice drove to the local outdoor store and bought Ava a proper jacket. She’d had enough of this hoodie nonsense. Following that, she picked up two intricately wrapped containers of dumpling soup. Beatrice had it on good authority that the restaurant that made it was one of Ava’s favourites.

Several minutes later, she snuck back into the house, bags in hand. Camila gave her a kind nod as she headed back upstairs. Ava was still asleep, unsurprisingly. Beatrice almost didn’t wake her up, but she needed to eat.   
“Ava?” Beatrice shook her shoulder with a gentle hand. No response. “Ava?” She spoke a little louder.  
“Hmmm?” Ava mumbled without opening her eyes. “What?” 

“You need to eat dinner, then you can go back to sleep.” Beatrice whispered.   
“Wait…” Ava sat up with surprisingly fast movements. “You got dumpling soup?”   
“How did you know?”   
“When it comes to Ms. Chen’s dumplings, I know.” Ava grinned, her cheeks flushed with fever.  
“You know her name?” 

“Of course I do!” Ava looked at Beatrice in surprise. “She was one of my best friends freshman year. Actually, she still is. I have her cell phone number.”  
“You never cease to surprise me.” Beatrice opened one of the take out containers and passed it to Ava.  
“Thank you.” Ava replied gratefully.  
“I got you something else, too.” 

“Beatrice…” Ava’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Beatrice didn’t answer, instead opting to pull the coat from the bag.   
“It’s winter. You need a real jacket.”   
“It’s beautiful.” Ava held it in her hands as though it were the most precious gift she’d ever received. A moment later, Beatrice realised it very well might be. “Thank you.”   
“It’s not a big deal…” Beatrice blushed, nervous for a plethora of reasons. Would Ava think she was throwing her money around? More importantly, did Ava remember saying the l-word?

“It is a big deal.” Ava paused to slurp a dumpling off her spoon. “You treat me better than I deserve to be treated…” She looked down, wondering if she could have phrased that better. “Plus you let me eat soup in your bed, which is risky at best.”  
“Ava…” Sometimes Ava’s lack of self worth astonished her. “I love you.”   
“I love you, too.”


	4. What Makes a Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im delaying a total mental breakdown by writing fanfic lmfao

Despite having resolved the tensions between them, Ava did not have a restful night of sleep. As a result, neither did Beatrice. Instead, she fussed over Ava, who spent most of the night screaming or crying in her sleep. Oftentimes, both. She wasn’t sure if it was the fever or something else that amplified Ava’s nightmares, but she tended to her love all the same. 

“No… No, no… Nononono!” Ava mumbled, shivering in Beatrice’s arms despite the sweat across her forehead. 

“Shh… It’s okay…” Beatrice gently rubbed her back, trying to call Ava back down to earth. With a cool washcloth kept on the bedside table, she wiped Ava’s face off, trying to keep her cool. 

“Beatrice?” Ava whispered, suddenly showing more lucidity than she had for the last several hours. 

“Yes. I’m here.” 

Ava’s eyes opened, though angry dark circles hung underneath them. “What are you doing here?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re just… I…” Ava struggled to speak, instead opting to press her face into Beatrice’s chest. Heavy sobs shook her body.

“Ava?” Beatrice was confused and worried. 

“I was scared… But you’re here…” Ava’s answer did little to help Beatrice understand. 

“Of course I am.” 

“I was scared.” Ava repeated. She held a handful of Beatrice’s shirt in her hand, squeezing it as tightly as she could. 

“I know, but it’s okay.” Beatrice whispered, unsure of what to say, or what Ava was talking about. 

She fell back to sleep before Beatrice could ask any more questions. This time, however, it seemed her slumber was much more peaceful. Eventually, Beatrice found slumber as well, savouring the comfort of Ava beside her… Even if she was radiating heat like a stove. Late morning arrived with surprising speed and the muted light found the couple wound together.

“Beatrice?” Ava breathed, feeling significantly better than she had the night prior.

“Hmm?” Beatrice hummed, half awake and exhausted after watching over Ava most of the night. 

“Thank you.” Ava slowly pushed herself into a seated position, back against the wall. 

“For… What?” Beatrice opened her eyes, only to scrunch them shut once more. It was much too bright. 

“You took care of me.” 

At that, Beatrice felt much more awake. “Ava, why do you keep saying it like that? Like it’s some gift I’ve given you.”

“It is.” Ava kept her eyes on Beatrice, surprised by her frustration.

“No, it’s not.” Beatrice sighed and sat up, closer to Ava. “I don’t… I just…” She put a hand to her face, unsure of how to verbalise the volcano of feelings erupting inside her chest.”You’re frustrating sometimes.” 

“What?” Ava’s face looked worn and sunken, but better than it had the night prior. 

“I’ll admit I don’t know much about… _Love…_ But I know that it’s supposed to be unconditional. Of course I would take care of you and I don’t need you to thank me for it. It’s just the right thing to do.” Beatrice exhaled sharply, having said what she needed to say.

“Beatrice. I mean this is the nicest way possible…” Ava paused, a sly smile on her face. “But you would do well to take your own advice.” 

“You’re impossible.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Ava held her hands up as Beatrice climbed from the bed. “We often give others the advice we most need to hear, but in your case, it’s especially true.”

“Very wise.” Beatrice offered Ava her hand. “Now get up. You need to eat and get rehydrated. You were sweating by the litre last night.” 

“Oh gross…” Ava blushed as she took Beatrice’s hand. “Wait, who uses litres?” 

“Literally the entire world, Ava.” 

In the kitchen, there was a tray of cinnamon rolls on the stove, with a note scrawled upon it. Ava read it aloud to Beatrice as she held the paper between slightly trembling fingers.

“To Ava: Hope you are feeling better this morning. Love, Camila and Lilith. P.S. Mary bought you more gatorade, it’s in the fridge.” 

“Ava?” Beatrice stepped closer. “Are you crying?” 

“...No.” Ava sniffled slightly and wiped the tear from her cheek.

“We all care about you.” Beatrice hugged Ava before forcing her into a seat at the kitchen table. She then retrieved a bottle of aforementioned gatorade, knowing that Ava would prefer that to tea. With practiced hands, she turned on the kettle for herself. “Ava? What do you want for breakfa - lunch?” Beatrice wondered without turning around. 

“Cinn...mhpp.” 

“What?” Beatrice whipped towards Ava, her mouth full of pasty. The two of them maintained awkward eye contact as Ava swallowed. 

“They’re really good.” Ava reported, frosting lining her mouth.

“As is everything Camila makes. But I’d like to encourage you to eat something slightly more healthy. Since you’re sick…” Beatrice returned to her tea.

“I feel better.” 

“I’m sure you do. But you could easily get even sicker if you treat your body like a garbage dump.” 

“Hey!”

“I’m just calling it as I see it.” Beatrice retorted, joining Ava at the table. 

“This is _strawberry_ flavoured gatorade.” She gestured to the bottle. “That’s a fruit, is it not?” 

“Oh my _God._ ” Beatrice wasn’t sure whether Ava was being endearing right now or impossible. Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to ponder the question further, since she was interrupted by her phone ringing. 

“Who is it?” Ava asked quietly as Beatrice looked at the screen.

“My mum.” 

Without another word, Beatrice stepped out of the kitchen, trying to put some distance between her and Ava. Her hands shook as she raised the phone to her ear, but she worked hard to keep her composure. 

“Hello?”

“Beatrice.” Her mother’s voice was cold. “I am surprised you answered.” 

“I’ve actually… Been meaning to call.” Beatrice silently chastised herself for stuttering. She’d just lost any upper hand she might have had in this conversation. As her father used to tell her, _stuttering shows weakness._

“I’m sure.” Her mother sounded unconvinced. “I’m just calling to see if you received the letter your father and I sent.”

“I did.” 

“And? Can we expect you to grace us with your presence this holiday season?” Her mother’s detached rudeness was nothing new, yet Beatrice was taken aback all the same. She covered the receiver and sighed heavily, hating the words she was about to say.

“I’ll be there.”

“Oh, I’m delighted to hear that!” Her mother replied, although her excitement sounded unbelievably false. “I’ll be sure to tell your father when he returns from the office.”

“Alright, then.” Beatrice couldn’t help but wonder if Ava had heard the conversation from the kitchen table. 

“I’ll be sure to arrange a driver to pick you up from the airport. Traffic is simply dreadful during the holidays.” Beatrice’s mother sounded like she was making arrangements for a funeral, rather than a visit from her only child. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” The line went dead before Beatrice could say another word. So much for pleasantries, then. She turned to head back into the kitchen, but Ava was standing in the doorway.

“Ava! When did you -”

“You’re _going_?” Ava couldn’t hide the disdain in her voice. 

“I just… As soon as I heard her -”

“Enough, Beatrice!” Ava shouted, it was the angriest Beatrice had ever seen her. In fairness, though, Ava was rarely angry. That set the moment apart even further. “I thought we talked about this yesterday, I thought you made the right decision. Or at least, leaning towards it!” Ava kept a hand gripped tightly around the doorframe, her knuckles white with pressure. “I’ve been trying to be impartial but… _Fuck,_ Beatrice, you can’t be serious!” 

“It’s my only family. I owe them that much, to at least try…” Beatrice hated how quickly she crumbled under her mother’s words. 

“Your _only_ family?” 

“I mean… Not like that…” Beatrice stuttered more and she could almost hear her father scolding her for it. Between Ava being angry with her and the decision she just made, she couldn’t string together a full sentence. 

“I thought we were your family.” Ava’s voice dropped to a hoarse whisper, which was somehow worse. 

“You are! But they are my family too, aren’t they?” 

“It doesn’t seem like they treat you as such.” Ava replied. Beatrice knew her argument was weak - a product of her parents’ hold over her. 

“It won’t be that bad, it’s just a week.”

“For a genius, you’re acting like an idiot right now.” Ava bit. The moment the words left her mouth, she knew it was too harsh, but she couldn’t help it. 

“Stop. It’s not your decision to make.” Beatrice held up a hand as tears dripped onto her shirt. 

“I know that! But who’s going to be the one to pick up the pieces? Or do you think your lack of self worth and rampant internalised homophobia will _improve_ over your holiday?” 

“At least…” Beatrice tried to bite back her insult, every part of her was screaming to stop, but in the heat of the moment, it came out anyhow. “At least I have parents! I don’t know why I should be taking family advice from you, anyhow.” She regretted it the moment she spoke, the hurt on Ava’s face painful to witness.

“I’m sorry.” Ava whispered, before retreating from the room. Beatrice heard her door slam and the lock click shut a moment later. 

“I’m sorry, too.” Beatrice said to the empty room. She stayed rooted to the spot for several minutes, unsure of whether she should follow Ava upstairs or not. While Ava’s words had hurt, she hadn’t been wrong, either. Whereas Beatrice knew she had just been mean. Unnecessarily so, as if she needed to _win,_ to have the final word. It was a ugly side of herself she rarely saw, a side of herself that was so clearly shaped by her upbringing. 

Once her tears had petered out, Beatrice walked back into the kitchen. Nervously, she chopped fruit and poured oats into a bowl, intent of making Ava a proper breakfast. In Ava’s words, _food heals all wounds._ Maybe, just maybe, it would help her apology go more smoothly. When she could delay the inevitable no longer, Beatrice padded up the stairs, steaming bowl in hand. 

“Ava…” She called, knocking on the door lightly. “Please open the door.” The sound of Ava sobbing within made Beatrice feel ill. To her surprise, the door opened without any more pleading. “I made you breakfast.” Beatrice offered her the bowl, knowing it was far too little for what she had said. 

“You can come in.” Ava rasped as she sat down on the bed. She looked hollow.

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice felt fresh tears coat her cheeks. “I’m really, really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, it was totally out of line.” 

“I know.” Ava mumbled. “I’m upset about what you said, but not for the reason you think.” 

“Oh?” Beatrice raised an eyebrow.

“You act as though your parents are entitled to so much from you, just because they live and breathe. Giving birth doesn’t make you a parent. Creating opportunities with your fortune doesn’t make you a family.” 

“I know that.” Beatrice looked down at the carpet, unwilling to meet Ava’s intense gaze. 

“I don’t think you do.” Ava paused to take a bite of her oatmeal. “This is actually really good, thank you.” Leave it to Ava to make Beatrice smile amidst a horrid argument. 

“You’re welcome.” 

“As I was saying… What makes a family, what makes a parent, is _love._ You don’t have that with your parents. At least, not from where I’m standing.”

“You’re right.” Beatrice conceded, though the weight in her chest felt no less heavy. “But I’m still going.”

“Why?” Ava asked anew, though she wasn’t angry this time. 

“I think I can survive a week and avoid transferring or any weird husband proposals. Then, _when_ I return, I should have them off my back at least until I graduate.” Beatrice’s idea was far from perfect, though it was logical.

“Will you be okay to do that?” Ava’s concern was nothing but genuine. Beatrice loved her for that, alongside a million other reasons.

“I managed eighteen years, I think I can take a week.” She sat beside Ava on the bed. “I am sorry, though. What I said was really mean.” 

“I wasn’t exactly being nice.” Ava placed a quick and surprising kiss on Beatrice’s cheek before continuing. “I’m happy we fought, actually.” 

“What? Why?” If one thing was for sure, it was that Ava would never stop surprising her. 

“Well, a few reasons. It got everything out in the open, at least, instead of letting it fester for days on end. That only makes it worse.” Ava paused to eat and Beatrice didn’t want to ask how she knew that. “Plus… I don’t know, maybe this sounds corny, but it’s passionate at the very least. It shows we care about each other.” 

“I’d prefer to show you I care in a nicer way.” Beatrice told her, though she saw Ava’s point nonetheless.  
“You do.” 

“Again, I’m sorry.” Beatrice couldn’t shake the guilty feeling in her stomach.

“Please, stop apologising.” Ava laid a hand on her leg, turning the leaden guilt in Beatrice’s stomach to butterflies. 

“I just wanted to be sure you knew…” 

“I know.” Ava sighed. “How can I help you before you go and while you’re gone?” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“I’m aware. But I want to.” She paused, deep in thought. “If I write you a bundle of letters, two per day, everyday - would that help? You could open one in the morning and at night. That way, no matter how bad your day is, you always have something to look forward to before you go to sleep and when you wake up.”

“I’d really like that.” Beatrice blushed under the weight of Ava’s selflessness. 

“And I can sleep in the same shirt a bunch of times, then you could take it with you? It’s a little bit gross but you could wrap in around a pillow and pretend it’s me.” 

“I’m not leaving for two more weeks. We have plenty of time to think of ideas, alright?” Beatrice smiled and wrapped her arms around Ava. It was times like this she couldn’t believe how lucky she was.


	5. Better than I Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice shares a few key conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes its really hard to update once (usually twice) per day but i keep on trucking. why? idk, im an idiot.

A few days later, Beatrice sat in the packed, but silent, lecture hall. On her desk, and all the others, the biology final. She studied for it, of course, but was having trouble focusing on the exam in front of her. Every time she’d write in a diagram or an explanation, her thoughts would return to her childhood - her parents. It would be a bold-faced lie to say she wasn’t insanely nervous about her upcoming trip.

Of course, she thought about Ava, too. Their fight from a few days ago was fresh in her mind. Beatrice still felt guilty about what she had said, it was completely uncalled for. And, in fairness, Ava had been completely right about her parents. She was right to worry. It was beyond complicated, and Beatrice had spent the last several days in a distracted haze. 

With a frustrated sigh, she shook her head. She needed to focus on her exam! This test was worth half of her grade and Beatrice wanted to stay at the top of her class. Thus, with an almost superhuman effort, she plowed through the rest of the questions, working hard to keep her thoughts clear. Exasperated, she handed in the test as she left the room. Even with her distractions, she was still the first person to finish by a large margin. Several classmates shot her envious looks as they continued to complete their own exams. 

Outside, the brisk air bit at her cheeks. For once, the weather was clear and sunny, though not warm. She glanced at her phone, quick to smile at the time. Ava was sitting an exam now too, but since Beatrice had finished with time to spare, she could meet her outside. Quick steps accented her journey across the freezing campus and on a whim, she stopped at the coffee shop. 

A few minutes later, she exited the building with two beverages. One of them a plain tea, the other an over the top seasonal beverage. It’s clear which one was meant for Ava. Grateful for the drinks in her hands, Beatrice completed her journey, finding a seat outside of the math building. She didn’t need to wait long, Ava came bounding from the exit. Her face lit up even more when she saw Beatrice. 

“You finished quickly!” Ava exclaimed as she raced over. 

“So did you.” Beatrice replied, handing the drink to Ava.

“Oh my  _ God,  _ thank you.” She took a grateful sip of her peppermint mocha. “Mmm… So seasonal.”

“If by seasonal you mean gross.” Beatrice couldn’t help but quip. 

“Don’t even.” Ava laughed, her cheeks reddened by the cold as they walked home. Beatrice was happy to see her healthy again. “How was your test, Miss genius?” 

“It was fine.” As much as she wanted to tell Ava about the thoughts that had distracted her, Beatrice couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

“Just fine?” Ava wasn’t blind to Beatrice’s deflection.

“It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.” Beatrice replied, though her words were hollow. They both knew it, yet Ava didn’t press her. “How was your exam?” 

“It was math.” Ava answered, without further explanation. 

“Yes, I know that.” Beatrice gave her a curious look. “But how did it go?” 

“Math is just… Math.” Ava clarified, unhelpfully. “It has no personality.” 

“Sometimes, I don’t understand you at all.” As they continued down the sidewalk, Beatrice wound her free hand around Ava’s. 

“Well, I need to retain my mystique.” Ava chuckled. She was wearing the jacket Beatrice had given her. “But it was good. I know I did well.” 

“Did you let JC copy off your test?” Beatrice asked, distinctly recalling a conversation they’d shared several weeks ago. 

“How do you know about that?” Ava froze, her eyes were wide.

“I know lots of interesting pieces of information.” A smile crept across Beatrice’s face, spurred on by Ava’s ridiculous reaction.

“I just think it’s dumb that he needs to take that class to be a psych major! It makes no sense!” Ava had clearly thought about this before. “It’s a three hundred level section and none of the concepts are going to be useful to him!” 

“I’m not trying to discipline you, Ava.” Beatrice loved her passion; her desire for fairness. “I would just hate to see either of you get in trouble for it.” 

“I’m pretty sure my professor knows, actually. I think she intentionally turns a blind eye.”

“Why?” 

“I don’t know. She’s pretty cool, though.” Ava grinned. “But to answer your question, yes. I helped him with a few questions.”

“Not the whole thing?” 

“No.” Ava shook her head and took a sip of her drink before continuing. “It would be suspicious if both of us got a perfect score, you know?” 

“You think you got a perfect score?” Beatrice was almost surprised, moreso at the confidence than anything else. 

“I’m pretty sure.” Ava shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. She wasn’t cocky in the slightest. “Like I said, math has no personality. It never changes.” 

“You’re a strange woman.” Beatrice whispered as they walked up the driveway to their house. 

“Yeah, I get that a lot, actually.” 

Later that night, the six of them sat around the dinner table, for the first time in what seemed like forever. Camila withdrew a meticulously intricate lasagna from the oven, setting it gently in the middle of the table. 

“It’s  _ beautiful. _ ” Ava whispered. Underneath the table, she kept a hand on Beatrice’s leg. It was quickly becoming a tradition of theirs.

“Seconded.” Mary grinned and looked at Ava, then Beatrice. “I’m glad you two aren’t fighting anymore.” 

“ _ Jesus, _ Mary.” Shannon rolled her eyes. “You’re going to embarrass them!” 

“It’s alright.” Ava smiled softly, a kind expression that Beatrice loved. “I’m happy too. Though I still think Beatrice is making the wrong decision. But, it’s not my place to judge her, only support her. Isn’t that right?” 

“Yes.” Beatrice choked out an answer.

“What’s this all about, exactly?” Shannon asked curiously, meanwhile Camila and Lilith busied themselves with the rest of dinner. 

“I’m going back to England. Over the holiday.” Beatrice explained. She wanted nothing less than to be telling her sisters about this.

“Oh?” Shannon raised an eyebrow and looked at Mary, who shrugged. “I mean…” She clearly didn’t want to stir up any more drama between them. “I guess that’s Beatrice’s decision at the end of the day.” 

“I think it’s stupid, too.” Camila whispered under her breath, unable to contain herself. “Sorry, Bea. I know you think you have to do this, but you  _ don’t _ .” 

“Look, it doesn’t matter, alright?!” Beatrice’s voice was sharp and Ava flinched beside her. Unsurprisingly, Beatrice hated that more than anything. “You’re all more worried about me than is necessary.” 

“I don’t think that’s the case.” Lilith chimed in quietly. “It’s frustrating. The way you care so little for yourself is frustrating. I can see why Ava is upset… For once.” 

“I…” Beatrice opened her mouth to defend herself, but Lilith interrupted. 

“We don’t need to talk about this anymore at dinner, lest we ruin the first ‘family’ dinner we’ve had together in days.” She was oddly calm as she spoke. “It seems as though you’ve made up your mind, anyhow.” 

“Thank you, Lilith.” Beatrice gave her a stiff nod, though she lost her appetite. Her stomach was already full of guilt. 

After dinner, Lilith and Beatrice cleaned the kitchen in silence. In the living room adjacent to them, everyone else shared a drink and talked about their weeks.

“You’re really going then?” Lilith asked as she wiped down the table. 

“Yes.” Beatrice whispered, thankful that Lilith had waited until after dinner to discuss it. Obviously, she’d rather not discuss the issue at all. 

“You’re being manipulated.” Lilith was firm and she didn’t mince her words. 

“I know.” 

“Then why?” 

“I feel compelled.” Beatrice sighed. “If I go, it’ll get them off my back for a while at least. I won’t feel as though I owe them anything.” 

“I could argue that you already don’t owe them anything.” Lilith knew few of the specifics of Beatrice’s home life, but Camila had filled her in on the need to know information. 

“And you may very well be right.” Beatrice told her, the frustration in her words obvious. “But I wish everyone would just… Drop it.”

“I know that you want everyone to ignore you so that you can sequester yourself from the world, but it doesn’t work like that.” 

“It seems odd for you to be the one to say that.” 

“Camila has changed me, it seems.” Lilith told her wistfully. 

Beatrice finished washing the dishes and sat beside Lilith at the table. In the adjacent room, she heard Ava laugh heartily. The sound made her chest hurt. 

“It will be fine.” Beatrice seemed determined of that.

“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” Lilith bit back.

“ _ Christ,  _ Lilith.” Beatrice shook her head. “Why do you care so much? Why does anyone care that much?” 

“Everyone here cares about you.” Her face was stony and unreadable. “You’ve finally started to come out of your shell and reveal the true Beatrice to all of us. I know I wouldn’t be the only person disappointed if you were to return back to that shell.” 

“I know…” Beatrice mumbled. While Lilith’s words were uncharacteristic, perhaps, they weren’t wrong. Maybe Beatrice wasn’t as decided as she thought she was. 

“I’m not telling you not to go, I’m just saying that you ought to think about it a bit more.” Lilith stood abruptly and joined her sisters in the other room. Beatrice soon followed. 

The day ended as it had begun, with Ava and Beatrice. “I’m sorry.” Ava whispered, from her cocoon of blankets. 

“What? Why?” Beatrice looked up from her science textbook, trying to suppress a laugh at how ridiculous Ava looked. 

“For dinner. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I should have changed the subject or defended you or -” 

“It’s alright.” Beatrice interrupted before Ava rambled too much. “I understand your frustration.”

“You do?” 

“Of course!” Her exasperation was clear. Beatrice was beyond sick of talking about this. 

“Okay…” Ava seemed as though she were done, but she spoke again. “I have something for you.” She got up and padded down to her own room before Beatrice could say anything. 

A minute later, she was back. In her hands, a bundle of envelopes and a small box. Ava knelt before Beatrice, who sat at the desk. 

“These are for you.” With a gentle reverence, Ava placed them onto the desk, before setting a hand on Beatrice’s knee.

“Ava…” 

“The letters are for you to open each day that you’re gone. I’ve labelled them so you know exactly which order to open them in. It’s critical that you do it correctly.” 

“Okay, okay.” Beatrice wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. “What about this box?”

“That’s…” Ava hesitated. “That is for you to open if you have a really bad day. Okay?” 

“I…” The emotion that flooded Beatrice’s chest was overwhelming. The care that Ava gave her was more than anything she had ever experienced. Before she knew it, there were tears falling onto her chemistry book. 

“I’m sorry!” Ava moved to stand, suddenly. “I didn’t mean to make you cry… I just -” 

“They’re happy tears, Ava.” At Ava’s nervousness, she couldn’t help but cry more, happy heaving sobs. A warm pair of arms wrapped around her a moment later - they sheltered her from the storm inside. 

“I’m just trying to help. I want to do everything I can now, to make up for when I can’t be there.” Ava whispered, her kind words beyond soothing. 

“I know… That’s why I’m crying.” Beatrice told her as she cried, soaking the shoulder of Ava’s shirt. 

“Oh…” Ava seemed stunned. “Well, I love you.” She tipped Beatrice’s chin up until their eyes met. “And when you’re lonely, or your parents are being jerks, or you feel like you’re not good enough… Just know that I’m right here, okay?” Ava pressed her hand to Beatrice’s heart.

“You’re better than I deserve.” Beatrice breathed, her profound emotions making it hard for her to speak.

“I’m not.” Ava smiled through the tears in her own eyes. “You just haven’t realised how amazing you are.”


	6. The Christmas Crawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Omicron girls attend the annual Christmas Crawl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> head EMPTY

“Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to  _ RUMBLE?! _ ” Ava yelled from the living room. She was dressed as an elf, with thick red stockings underneath her green dress. On her head was an adorable pointed hat. 

“No need to shout.” Lilith muttered as she walked into the room. She had a santa hat on, as well as a surprisingly hideous Christmas jumper.

“Oh my gosh! You both look so cute!” Camila exclaimed as she bounced in a moment later. Like her sisters, she was also dressed up. Somehow, Camila had managed to wind dozens of tiny LEDs into her sweater and hat, giving her the appearance of a human Christmas tree. 

Footsteps echoed on the stairway. A moment later,  _ two  _ Ms. Clauses stood before the group.

“Oh my… You’re both beautiful.” Ava put a hand to her mouth. 

“Ava, enough.” Mary muttered, though the blush on her cheeks was evident. “You better go run up and get your girl. We’re going to be late.”

“My girl!” Ava bounded up the stairs.

Outside Beatrice’s door, Ava paused, slightly out of breath for the run up. With a wide grin, she knocked on the door. 

“Beatrice? Are you ready?” 

“I look stupid. I don’t want to go.” Beatrice called from inside. 

“Can I come in?” 

“Yes. Don’t laugh.” 

Tentatively, Ava cracked open the door. Inside, Beatrice was standing in front of the mirror, obviously frustrated at her appearance. Of course, Ava didn’t see anything wrong with it. 

“You look beautiful.” Ava whispered, her reverence for Beatrice overwhelming.

“I look ridiculous.” She turned around, her ugly Christmas sweater on full display. “Who would ever wear such a thing?” Beatrice seemed genuinely offended at the concept. 

“I know you probably preferred the nun outfits for Halloween, but I assure you, it is really cute.” Ava smiled. “Do you want a santa hat to go with it?” Beatrice had her hair, as usual, pulled back into a modest bun. 

“I…” Beatrice hesitated. The upcoming visit with her parents had sharpened her anxiety to a razor’s edge and impacted every part of her life. A party was the last thing on her mind. Still, she didn’t want to hurt Ava’s feelings. “Sure.” 

“I have just the thing. I’ll be right back.” Ava instructed, before darting off to her room. Beatrice heard her shuffling around, before returning just as fast. “First, a hat.” With caring hands, she gently pulled the santa hat over Beatrice’s head.

“What do you mean, first?” 

“I thought you needed a little…” Ava paused and made a bizarre hand motion. “ _ Pizzazz. _ ” 

Before Beatrice could reply, Ava pulled a compact of silver glitter from her pocket. With one hand tenderly on Beatrice’s cheek, she spoke in a whisper. 

“May I?” Beatrice nodded, finding it difficult to speak between the lack of space between them. Lightly, Ava applied the glitter to Beatrice’s face. “See, it gives you a little bit of holiday che-” Ava’s words were interrupted with a kiss, fierce and desperate. 

“Sorry, I…” Beatrice mumbled as they broke apart. “I couldn’t help myself.” 

“Never apologise for that.” Ava replied, following her command up with another kiss. A few minutes later, they each wore a sheen of glitter. “Okay, let’s go get drunk.”

“Oh, okay.” Beatrice let Ava pull her into the hallway and down the stairs. 

“Took you two long enough! Jeez, were you making out up there?” Mary chuckled as the six of them headed towards the door. 

Frat row was already lively by the time they arrived. It was the annual Christmas Crawl, a huge block party put on by the school’s fraternity brothers. Each house along the row was decorated accordingly, and techno remixes of Christmas songs blared from the speakers. The crowd was awash in red, green, and glitter. 

“Wow, this is really something…” Camila whispered to Ava as they approached. 

“It is.” Ava agreed with a nod. “This is the real reason I joined a sorority. To party with boys in sexy reindeer costumes.”

“Yeah, me too.” Camila agreed with a giggle. 

“I can hear you.” Lilith told her.

“Yeah, so can I.” Beatrice added, though she smiled. This might be just the distraction she needed. 

“Alright. Let’s stick together tonight, okay?” Shannon told the group as they drew closer to the party. “We’re supposed to be representing omicron tonight.”

“Ava, Camila. This is your first Christmas Crawl. Pace yourselves, alright?” Mary asked.

“Yes ma’am.” Ava muttered.

“Aye, aye captain.” Camila added, slightly dramatic. Her excitement was adorably palpable. 

They walked towards the first house and Ava found herself beside Beatrice, hand in hand. “Are you having fun yet?” 

“It’s a good distraction, at least.” Beatrice whispered in her ear. “Plus, you look cute in your costume.”

“So do you!” Ava’s grin was contagious. 

“Welcome ladies!” A frat boy in a sexy santa costume greeted them as they approached the first house. “Thank you for joining us in this year's annual Christmas Crawl!” 

“Before you can move on to the next house, you must complete our challenge!” Another brother joined in, dressed in an identical costume. He gestured to the row of shots on the table. “Beneath one of these twelve santa shots is a sticker. Find it, and you may move on.” Already, Ava found herself in love with the gravitas of the event. It was such a fun idea!

The six of them lined up. “Whenever you’re ready to begin.” One of the boys told them. 

“Bottoms up!” Mary took her two shots in near unison. “Ugh, oh my. They are peppermint.” 

“Very seasonal.” Beatrice quipped, her face contorted after the first one. 

“Which normally…” Ava paused and took her first shot. “Is really my thing.” She took the second. “But this is gross.” 

“Got it.” Lilith smirked as she peeled a reindeer sticker from the bottom of her shot glass. 

“I wish you found it before I suffered through those.” Shannon laughed. 

“You may move on to the next house!” The frat guy presiding over the event told them. “Good luck and happy holidays!” 

“Thank you! You too!” Ava gave him a wave before grabbing Beatrice’s hand. 

On their way to the second house, a slightly more tipsy journey than the first, a woman ran by dressed as Jesus. 

“Was that Trish?” Camila asked Ava.

“Yeah, I think so.” They both watched her run towards a group of plastered zeta girls. “That costume is definitely… Something.” 

“She’s putting the  _ Christ  _ in Christmas, but yeah… She has a way of being perpetually offensive.” Camila agreed with a nod. 

At the second house, a different kind of challenge awaited them. “As you all know, these events are meant to foster unity not only between chapters, but within them.” The man that delivered this address was dressed as a sexy christmas tree, which is a thing, apparently. “I’d like you all to grab a beer and find a partner. With your partner, I’d like you to find out a fact about each other that you didn’t know before.”

The girls did as they were told, with obvious pairings already in place. Once they had retrieved the mandatory beer, Ava and Beatrice walked a few paces away and found a seat on a cold bench. 

“Come here often?” Ava chuckled, already buzzed.

“Good one.” Beatrice thought for a moment before continuing. “What’s something I don’t know about you?” 

“What’s something I don’t know about you?” Ava countered with a grin. 

“I…” Beatrice laughed under her breath and sipped the beer in her hands. It was gross, but still better than peppermint liquor. “Maybe you won’t believe this, but I used to be quite the troublemaker when I was at boarding school.”

“You’re right. I don’t believe you.” Ava worked on her own drink.

“It’s true. I was in the office at least once a fortnight.” 

“A fortnight?” Ava giggled heartily and the sound set Beatrice aflame in the cold evening. “Nobody knows what that is!”

“It’s two weeks…” Beatrice couldn’t help but smile. This massive party was a great distraction from her worries.  _ Ava  _ was a great distraction from her worries. “Why don’t you tell me a secret now?”

“I don’t know how to swim.” Ava’s voice quickly changed from joking to somber. It was obvious she was self-conscious about it. 

“I could…” Beatrice didn’t want to hurt her feelings nor be presumptuous. “I could teach you sometime?” 

“I’d like that.” Ava finished her drink and put her smile back on, as though nothing had happened. It frustrated Beatrice to no end, the way Ava constantly put on a mask. Then again, she couldn’t judge. “Are you ready for the next challenge?” Ava asked, standing and extending a hand for Beatrice to hold. 

“I am.” Beatrice sculled the rest of her beer. Together, they reunited with their sisters and made their way to the third house. 

“How are we all doing?” Mary took stock of everyone while they walked through the strange night. 

“Flippity fantastic.” Camila answered first. Unlike Mary, she could not take her liquor.

“I’ll keep an eye on her.” Lilith told Mary, with a protective hand on Camila’s shoulder. 

“Aww, Mary. You never keep an eye on me like that.” Shannon giggled, teasing Mary as they walked. 

“Oh no, not you too.” Mary mumbled. “It was the shots, wasn’t it?”

“Woo! Christmas!” Ava shouted into the night. Everything went downhill after that.

Somehow, after three more houses, Mary and Lilith managed to herd everyone back to the house. Ava and Beatrice, however, sat on the front step, despite the cold. Normally, when they partied, Ava was lighthearted and fun. Tonight, however, she couldn’t seem to keep on the mask. Mary stuck her head out the door, interrupting the cold silence between the two of them.

“Are you two okay?” She asked quietly.

“Yes. Thank you.” Ava replied. Her words were slightly slurred but she was otherwise fine.

“Alright. Be good.” Mary ducked back inside.

“What’s wrong?” Beatrice whispered once they were alone.

“Who says anything is wrong?” Ava countered, though the look on her face gave her away in an instant. 

“You’re not… Yourself.” While Beatrice wasn’t as drunk as her sisters, she could definitely feel the impact on her cognitive function.

“I’m worried about you.” Ava admitted after a moment’s pause. 

“Is that it?” Desperately, Beatrice found herself wishing there was more, that Ava’s melancholy wasn’t her fault. 

“I mean, I can always fixate on the tragedies of my past…” She took a deep breath. “But right now, my life is going pretty well. My grades are excellent, I have a good group of friends, and a beautiful girlfriend.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want you to apologise.” Ava wrung her hands nervously. “I wish you’d reconsider letting me come with you.”

“Absolutely not.” Beatrice was adamant about that, if nothing else. 

“Why? I promise I will pretend to be your  _ friend  _ only and I can -”

“No.” Beatrice put a hand on Ava’s shoulder.

“Please, at least tell me why.” There were tears in her eyes.

“Ava…” Beatrice tried to gather her messy thoughts. “You have such a light about you. An internal, happy flame - you’re a golden woman. I can’t bring myself to expose you to an environment I fear… I fear could put that light out.”

“I…” Ava was unsure of how to reply. “I didn’t realise you thought about it in such poetic terms.”

“I have my moments.” A hollow quip.

“I’ll respect your wishes. There’s still a week until you have to leave. I’m going to work really hard to make it a good one.” Ava stood suddenly. With the porch light behind her, she was framed in gold. As she held a hand out to Beatrice, she looked nothing short of angelic. 

“I love you.” Beatrice whispered as she took Ava’s hand. 

“I love you.” Ava replied with a smile. A sudden, sharp movement brought Beatrice even closer, allowing Ava to kiss her fiercely. It was a beautiful warmth in the frigid night and Beatrice savoured the feeling of Ava’s arm tightly around her waist. “But I’m allowed to worry, too.” Ava added once they’d broken apart, though she still held Beatrice close. “And if there is  _ anything _ I can do to help, I hope you’ll tell me.” 

“I will.”


	7. Motivation and Pizza Rolls for Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava takes care of some end of semester business. Grades are announced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent updated this fic in awhile. ive been sad plus i hate this one.

“Are you still angry that we care about you?” Mary asked Beatrice across the table. They were the only two awake, unsurprising after a heavy night of drinking. 

“That’s not… It’s not like that.” Beatrice mumbled.

“Isn’t it?” Mary saw right through her. “You’re frustrated that we are hesitant to let you destroy yourself?” 

“It’s not that dramatic.” 

“Isn’t it?” Mary sighed. She didn’t want to fight with her sister. “No one wants to see you suffer. That’s it, really. But whatever you decide, just know that you have a family here too. Okay?”

“Okay…” Beatrice wished she could dive into her cereal bowl - she desperately didn’t want to talk about the holiday. Doubly so this early in the morning. 

“That’s the spirit.” Mary smiled gently. She hoped Beatrice understood that she wasn’t trying to chastise her. 

“When are you and Shannon leaving?” Beatrice asked, making it more than clear that she wanted to discuss something else. 

“Tonight, hopefully. We’ll see what shape Shannon is in when she wakes up.” A short laugh escaped Mary’s lips, just as surprisingly loud footsteps became audible on the stairs. 

“What’s up, party people?” Ava greeted them both as she entered the room. Her face was still covered in glitter. 

“You’re in a good mood today.” Mary told her, while trying not to laugh at Beatrice’s reaction to seeing Ava. 

“It’s December 18th! Don’t you know what that means?” She sounded completely exasperated as she turned on the coffee maker. 

“No?” 

“It’s grade day.” Beatrice said at the same time. “They don’t get uploaded until noon, though.” 

“I know, but…” Ava turned around with unnecessary dramatics. “I need to be emotionally prepared.” 

“ _ Christ… _ ” Mary whispered. Ava could be ridiculous sometimes.

“I know, it’s real character development for me.” Ava joined them at the table with her coffee in hand. “But I’ve been working hard, for once. I’m excited to see how that translates to my GPA.” 

“Maybe you’ll give Beatrice a run for her money.” Mary added with a grin as she stood up. “I’m going to go see if I can wake the beast.” 

“I’m not trying to come for you.” Ava whispered to Beatrice once they were alone.

“We’re not in the same class, we aren’t competing for rank.” Beatrice took Ava’s hand in her own. “Even if we were, if you earned it, then I would respect that.” 

“Very big of you.” Ava grinned happily. She seemed like a completely different woman than Beatrice had talked to the night prior. Likely, her mask was more firmly affixed now than it had been last night.

“I don’t leave for a few days.” Beatrice began, though the sentiment left a sour taste in her mouth. “Do you want to do something fun today?” 

“Finals are over. You have one hundred percent of my time if you want it.” She took a big gulp of coffee, only to yawn immediately afterwards. “After breakfast, of course.” Ava stood up, completely disheveled from the night before. 

Beatrice watched her move around the kitchen, sleepy and adorable. She couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. 

“I love you.” Beatrice whispered. Ava turned around, her dark eyes wide. 

“Like this?” She looked down at her wrinkled pajamas then back at Beatrice. “Really?”

“Especially like this.” 

“You might be dumber than I thought.” Ava joked, pressing a quick kiss against Beatrice’s lips, before turning back to her breakfast. “But I love you!”

Her cheeks burned, but she couldn’t keep from admiring Ava. Her ability to take her walls down, to be vulnerable… Well, that was one of few virtues that Beatrice didn’t possess. 

“Ava!” Just like that, the spell was broken. “Please tell me you’re not having pizza rolls for breakfast.” Ava froze at the admonishment, the frozen bag in hand. 

“Uh… No?” 

“Why are you like this?” 

“They taste good and they’re easy!” 

“Sit down.” Beatrice rose from her chair. “I’ll cook you something.” 

“Really? You’d do that for me?” Ava seemed genuinely surprised. 

“If it keeps you from eating garbage? Yes.” Beatrice withdrew a frying pan from the cabinet and set it on the stove. 

“Can you explain what you’re doing?” Ava asked quietly, the smile completely gone from her face. 

“Hm?” Beatrice hummed as she fetched a few ingredients from the fridge. “What do you mean?”

“Like, explain to me what you’re doing. The cooking, I mean.” Ava stuttered, a telltale sign of her nervousness. 

“I… Sure.” Beatrice hesitated for a moment, before launching into a detailed instruction on cooking a balanced breakfast. She had to remember that many of the experiences she took for granted, Ava might never have been exposed to.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Lilith laid beside Camila. In honesty, she wasn’t sure if the woman beside her was still alive, save for an occasional breath. Despite Lilith’s cold exterior, she couldn’t help but savour these moments. Their lives seemed constantly hectic and it was nice to have a warm moment of solitude. Of course, those never seem to last. 

“Oh…  _ God… _ ” Camila moaned, her eyes still squeezed shut and her curly hair splattered across the pillows.

“Do you need anything?” Lilith whispered, keeping her voice as low as possible.

“Death.” Camila replied, pulling herself into Lilith in an attempt to shut out the rest of the world. 

“How about a glass of water and a few ibuprofen?” 

“No. Stay.” She was adamant about that, if nothing else. 

After a few minutes of silence, Camila eventually found her voice again. “Thank you for taking care of me last night.”

“Of course. You’re welcome.” Lilith answered gently. She was infatuated with the way Camila clung onto her in bed. 

“You’re not as tough as you want people to think.” Camila finally opened her eyes, smiling as they found Lilith’s face.

“Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.” 

“Your secret is safe with me.” She suppressed a giggle as the conversation became more serious. “What day do you want to leave?” 

“Um…” Though Lilith hadn’t admitted it, it was obvious that she was nervous about meeting Camila’s family. She had no  _ reason  _ to be, but that didn’t stop her. “Whatever really. Whatever day works for you.” 

“Lilith.” Camila’s gaze sharpened. “I know you’re nervous. But I promise, they’ll love you… Even if you do sound like Peppa.” 

“I swear, I’ll kill Ava one of these days.” Lilith muttered as she rolled her eyes. “No chance of getting her to come with us though, huh?”

“Nope.” Camila sighed. “I’ve tried to convince her a dozen times. And don’t even get me started on Beatrice’s disaster of a holiday.” 

“I know… I think we’ve all yelled at her about it, Ava especially.” Lilith agreed, thinking of her own conversations with Beatrice. 

“Yeah, they’ve had at least two or three arguments about it. Beatrice can be awfully stubborn.” 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually agree with Ava.” Lilith mumbled in Camila’s mane. 

“Me too. But… Well, I guess it’s not our decision to make.” Camila extricated herself from Lilith and sat up. “We just have to be there to support her if she needs us.” 

“That’s all we can do, really.” Lilith rose and extended a hand to Camila. “Do you want breakfast?” 

“No. Lord, no.” Camila shook her head slowly. “Coffee. Painkillers. Affection from you. That’s it.” 

“I can do that.” Lilith grinned. Sometimes, smiling still felt so foreign, though Camila seemed to bring it out in her more often. By the time they made it downstairs to the kitchen, Ava and Beatrice had departed. 

“I can’t believe you only  _ rent  _ your textbooks.” Beatrice quipped as they walked towards the campus bookstore. “Don’t you want to refer to them in later semesters?”

“Most of my classes aren’t major requirements, so no.” Ava couldn’t help but laugh at Beatrice’s outrage at the concept. “You really think I want to  _ keep  _ my copy of Canterbury Tales? That was boring as hell.” 

“Unbelievable.” 

“What time is it?” Ava asked as they continued along the sidewalk. 

“You still have fifteen minutes left.” Beatrice replied, knowing exactly why Ava was asking. 

“Well, that’s perfect. I’ll need to know if I’m getting a celebratory drink or a commiseration drink.” Ava explained, in her oh-so-Ava way of not explaining at all. 

“What does that mean? I figured you were going to get a gross seasonal beverage either way.” Beatrice was understandably confused. 

“I am. But they’re not gross… It’s about the intention with which you drink it.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t realise the peppermint mocha world was so complicated.” Beatrice joked, though she adored Ava’s reverence for everyday occurrences. Occurrences that most people trample over without thought, without regard. 

“You have no idea.” Ava whispered as she opened the door to the bookstore. Before Beatrice could reply, the woman working at the counter waved to them. More accurately, waved to Ava. 

“Ava! How are you, sweetie?” She called from her station. Ava grinned and walked over, leaving a confused Beatrice in her wake.

“Kathy! Hi! How are you?” They hugged from over the counter. “Sorry, I haven’t come in as much this semester. It’s been absolutely hectic. Would you believe our house was haunted?” Ava spoke with an excited smile and Kathy laughed enthusiastically. Little did she know, the ghost had been real. 

“I know how it is hun, don’t even worry.” She keyed a few numbers on the keyboard. “What have you got for me today?”

“All of…” Ava pushed, pulling a huge stack of books from her bag. “All of these.” 

“Of course.” She started scanning the tags on each book. “Are you nervous about the grade announcement?” 

“Actually, for once, no. I’m excited!” Ava smiled and Beatrice swore the entire room grew brighter as she did. 

“Oh, I’m glad to hear that.” Kathy finished ringing up the books. “You’re all set. Have a great holiday break, okay? And you better stop by more often next semester!”

“I will!” Ava promised as she and Beatrice left the building. 

“Are you friends with everyone?” Beatrice asked as they headed for the coffee shop. 

“I don’t know…” Ava looked down, as if ashamed. “I didn’t have a lot of friends my first year, so I hung out with whoever would talk to me, really.”

“Ava.” Beatrice grabbed her hand, stopping Ava in the middle of the empty sidewalk. “I’m not making fun of you. I admire this side of you.” 

“Really?”

“Yes!” Beatrice couldn’t understand why Ava didn’t believe her. “I love when people are excited to see you, it makes me happy that they…” She choked slightly on her words, a sign of weakness in her parents’ eyes. “That they see the light in you that I see.”

“I didn’t realise you saw me… Like that.” Ava replied, carefully watching Beatrice’s face, deep in thought. 

“I see you in more ways than one.” Beatrice’s cheeks burned. 

“Are any of them…  _ Sexy  _ ways?” Ava broke free of her grasp and twirled on the sidewalk - a desperate joke to escape any serious conversation.

“Maybe if you weren’t so impossible.” Beatrice grumbled. Before Ava could reply, an alarm went off on her phone. 

“Is that it? It’s time?” Ava perked up, it was the moment she’d been waiting for. 

On the sidewalk, on a brisk winter day, they both checked their phones. As promised by the university, semester grades had been posted, alongside a class rank.

“How did you do?” Ava asked Beatrice, a huge smile adorning her flushed face.

“Pretty well.” Beatrice mumbled. It was a massive understatement, of course, as Beatrice had once again cinched the top spot. Her marks were about as perfect as they could be. “You?” 

“I mean, I’m not in the top spot, but I’m within the top thirty!” Ava jumped up and down, her breath leaving small clouds in the air. “Which out of five hundred, isn’t terrible I don’t think!” 

“That’s amazing!” Beatrice hugged her tightly, the excitement between them eminently clear. 

“Thank you.” Ava softened, but didn’t lose any of her happiness. “You helped me a lot.” 

“We went over study habits and -”

“No.” Ava interrupted. “I wanted to stay in omicron to be with you. You were… A big motivation for me.” 


	8. Goodbye (?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava says goodbye to Beatrice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VICES pt. 2 coming soon

Beatrice’s departure date came too fast. She and Ava had spent the last three days together, a cheerful series of dates. Yet, there was always a cloud hanging over them. This cloud seemed to double in size last night, as Beatrice tearfully packed her bag. She’d thrown stuff into her duffel bag, hastily as Ava was in the shower. Her breakdown over this was the last thing Ava needed to see - it would only make the inevitable goodbye harder. 

And wow, did that goodbye come quickly. “Do you want me to come to the airport with you?” Ava asked as she stood outside Beatrice’s car, in front of the house. 

“Don’t be silly. How would you get home?” Beatrice replied. Rain was gently falling around them. Much to Ava’s disappointment, it hadn’t yet turned to snow. 

“I don’t know. Walk?” 

“It’s thirty miles away?” Of course, Beatrice knew Ava would walk ten times that distance for her. The thought of it made her heart ache. 

“I’m just… Sorry, I know I’m not helping. I’m not making this any easier.” Ava hung her head. “I’m still worried about you, that hasn’t changed.” 

“I know. You’re a good person, Ava.” Beatrice held the side of Ava’s face, reluctant to let her go, even for a week. 

“The offer still stands. Let me come with you.” Ava was basically begging at this point, but she didn’t care. “Please. I don’t care what your parents say to me, I promise I won’t take it to heart. I can pretend to be your friend and just -” 

“No.” Beatrice interrupted. She was adamant about this. “I don’t want to expose you to that. Besides, it’s an insult to our relationship to introduce you as anything other than what you truly are to me. My girlfriend. Whom I  _ love. _ ” 

Ava blushed at her words, but continued. “I’ll text you at least once every hour. Don’t worry about replying right away if you can’t, but I’ll try to give you something funny to read through when you have time. Plus, I can send you an email, something a bit more long form…” She trailed off, suddenly self-conscious. “I’m not helping, am I?” 

“You are.” Beatrice reassured her gently. “You are. I just… I have a lot of conflicting emotions right now. It’s hard to process, if I’m being honest.” 

“I understand.” Ava held her tightly, with no intention of letting go in a timely manner. “I won’t be there with you, but I’m still with you. Okay? I’m always just a phone call away. I’ll leave my ringer on full blast, so you can call in the middle of the night if you need me.” 

Tears formed in Beatrice’s eyes. Ava was beyond selfless and certainly better than she deserved. This was going to be a difficult week.

“I left your Christmas gift on your pillow.” Beatrice whispered. “Don’t open it until the 25th, alright!”    
“I won’t!” Ava promised, though she knew it would be a difficult promise to keep. She was already beyond curious. 

“I’ll text you as much as I can and I won’t accept any forced husband proposals.” Beatrice vowed.

“I’d sure hope not.” Ava tried to joke but it was immediately hollow. 

“I promise I’ll come back to you the exact same Beatrice as I was before. Then, you’ll see that there was no need to worry.” 

“I hope you’re right.” Ava didn’t seem convinced. 

“I should… I should get going.” Beatrice could feel the familiar self-loathing eating away at her insides. “It’s always hectic at the airport, especially around the holidays.” Her sentence sounded false and forced. Just like her mother. 

“Alright…” Ava felt as though she would cry. Instead, she hugged Beatrice again. “Remember, you have that box to open if you have a really bad day, okay?” 

“I know. I wouldn’t forget.” 

“Just double checking.” Ava sighed into Beatrice’s shoulder. The last thing she wanted to do was let go. “I love you. So much. Please, don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

“I won’t. I love you too.” Beatrice clung onto Ava for a moment longer, before reluctantly climbing into her car. 

Ava watched her the entire way, until the car had long disappeared down the road. It was getting dark and cold. Rather, colder than it already had been. She shivered as a wave of inescapable melancholy washed over her. Eventually, Ava walked back into the house, now completely empty. 

“Well, at least it’s no longer haunted.” She chuckled grimly without humour. Without any of her sisters, nor any homework to occupy herself, Ava was quickly bored. Nothing seemed to hold her attention, as her thoughts were firmly fixed on Beatrice. Her nervousness petered out somewhat, after an hour of pacing, so she did what any lonely young person would do. Ava ordered a pizza. 

Meanwhile, Beatrice paced too. Up and down the terminal, over and over again. There were crowds all around her. More specifically, families. It seemed she was one of the few people travelling alone. Even when she got back to England, she’d still be alone. Being with her parents was not the same as being with her family. Not really. 

“Flight 265 to London, boarding now.” The announcement buzzed over the loudspeaker, startling Beatrice to attention. She watched the polite exodus of people move towards the gate and willed herself to join them. It took a few moments, but she found her feet and forced herself to walk. The line moved quickly, faster than she liked. Within a moment, she was standing in front of the gate attendant.

“Ticket and passport, please.” She smiled, extending a hand for Beatrice’s documents. 

“I…” Beatrice reached out, then retracted her hand. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” She turned and left the line as fast as she could. It was everything Beatrice could do to keep from breaking into a full run. Of course, once she broke through the doors, she couldn’t help herself. Her duffel slammed against her side as she ran towards her car, yet she barely felt it. 

Ava sat on the living room floor, sorting through the massive DVD box. Obviously, horror was out of the question, but there were hundreds of other movies. She hummed Christmas jingles under her breath, though it felt like a weak attempt to avoid thinking about Beatrice. Her phone screen displayed the time, Beatrice’s flight had taken off a few minutes ago. Ava was far from a religious woman, but she found herself praying for Beatrice’s well-being. 

“Oh?” Ava whispered to herself. “What’s this?” She pulled a holiday movie from the bin, as though that would be an adequate distraction from her deafening thoughts. Ava got as far as the opening menu before checking her phone again. It’d been three minutes. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she looked at her lockscreen. It was a picture of the two of them from Halloween, doing a silly pose in their nun outfits. Even now, the picture made Ava giggle. The thought of them as nuns was hilarious by itself, but their drunken chaos that night just added to it. 

It was an unusually silent evening. As Ava sat and looked through pictures, snow began to fall. Finally. She didn’t notice at first, since she was absorbed in her memories. The sound of a car pulling into the driveway broke her concentration. 

“Pizza?” Ava perked up, only to see the snow out the window. “ _ Snow!? _ ” She ran outside. Suddenly, her depressing evening just got a whole lot better. 


	9. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava doesn't spend this Christmas alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for a slow update, i literally forgot about this for like a week ooooops SORRY

“Beatrice?” Ava stood on the front step, staring at the woman before her. They were both silent for a moment, as snow fell around them.

“I came back.” Beatrice whispered. Ava didn’t reply, instead opting to cross the snowy ground and hug Beatrice with fervent excitement. “You were right. My real family is here.” 

“I’m happy you finally came around.” Ava replied, kissing Beatrice deeply with her next breath. 

Their attentions were so preoccupied, they didn’t hear the other car pull into the driveway. “...Ahem…” The pizza guy stood awkwardly on the snowy driveway, pizza in hand. 

“Oh!” Ava broke apart from Beatrice with an adorable blush. “Thank you, sorry!” She laughed as she traded a few crumpled bills for the box.

“No problem.” He laughed as he climbed back into his car.

“Beatrice, would you like to share this pizza with me?” Ava asked.

“I’d love to.” Beatrice answered with a smile. She followed Ava back into the house, though she felt like a different woman than she had been a few hours ago. Maybe she was.

“I was going to watch a movie, but I think I’d rather talk to you.” Ava set the pizza on the kitchen table and pulled two mugs from the cupboard. “If that’s alright?” 

“Of course.” Beatrice set her bag on the staircase then sat down at the table. 

“Do you want tea or cocoa?” Ava turned on the kettle as she spoke. 

“Hot chocolate, please.” Beatrice answered quickly. It was the first snowy day, after all. Celebration was in order. 

“Mmm… Good choice.” Ava hummed as she dug the mini marshmallows out from the pantry. Her newfound happiness and relief was clear in her movements. She felt infinitely lighter than she had only minutes ago - and she could barely believe her luck.

“Here you are.” Ava set a steaming cup of cocoa in front of Beatrice and sat across from her at the table.

“Hot chocolate and pizza are a bit of an odd combination, don’t you think?” Beatrice asked, though she couldn’t care less. The smile on her face was borderline painful and it reaffirmed that she had made the right decision. 

“Maybe, but delicious.” As if to emphasise her point, Ava pulled a few chocolate-soaked marshmallows out of her drink and dropped them on top of her pizza. 

“Now you’re just being disgusting…” 

“Don’t knock it until you try it.” Ava grinned, though her face grew serious a moment later. “What changed your mind?” 

“I…” Beatrice took a deep breath and weighed her thoughts. “I don’t know. I was standing in line to get on the plane and I just… Couldn’t. Everything you said, what everyone said… It was stuck in my head.” 

Ava’s eyes watered at Beatrice’s words, but she swiped away the tears with the sleeve of her shirt. “I’m beyond glad you came to your senses.” 

“Me too. Thank you for having patience with me.”

“Of course. But for the record, I was  _ never  _ angry at you. Only angry at your warped sense of family and a debt you didn’t owe.” 

Beatrice sighed heavily, knowing that Ava was being honest. “I still think you treat me better than I deserve.” 

“Well, maybe that will be something for us to work on over the next semester.” Ava replied with a smile. 

“Maybe.” 

“But I don’t have to work on anything, because I’m perfect.” Her laugh punctuated her joke with surprising warmth. 

“Oh. Yes. Definitely.” Beatrice chuckled. It was clear a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. 

“Are you going to get in trouble when you don’t show up in England?” Ava asked suddenly, though her breakneck change in topic was par for the Ava course. 

“I don’t…” Only then did it occur to Beatrice she hadn’t even considered the possibility. “In honesty, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care.” 

“Are you sure?” Concern flooded Ava’s stony expression.

“I’m sure.” Beatrice nodded, then continued. “It’s not out of the realm of possibility that they are relieved as I am. But like I said, it doesn’t matter. I’m already with my family.” She reached across the table and squeezed Ava’s hand. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Beatrice had never meant it more than she did in that moment. 

A few silent minutes passed as they enjoyed their meal together. Eventually, Beatrice asked a question of her own.

“What was in the box?” 

“I guess you’ll have to wait until Christmas now.” Ava seemed worried. 

“What is it?” Beatrice wasn’t as intuitive as Ava, but she wasn’t blind either.

“I don’t think it’s going to make very much sense now, that you’ve decided to stay…” 

“Oh?” Beatrice wasn’t sure what to say.

“I just don’t want you to think it’s stupid.”

“I promise I won’t.” Beatrice cherished Ava’s presence far more than any gift. 

“Really?” Disbelief was clear in her tone. 

“Really.” 

Christ morning found the couple wound together in a warm bed. Snow coated the windows and blanketed the house and yard. Since the evening that Beatrice returned home, snow had fallen near constantly. Ava was delighted, of course, though Beatrice was less enthused. Muted light eventually permeated the dark bedroom, waking Beatrice before Ava. She took a moment to savour the moment, the warmth, and Ava’s messy hair tickling her nose. 

“Happy Christmas.” Beatrice whispered once Ava began to stir.

“Merry Christmas.” Ava mumbled as she curled around Beatrice more tightly in their nest of blankets. “Thank you again for coming back.” She added in a tiny voice.

“Thanks for having me.” Beatrice pressed a kiss to Ava’s forehead.

“What, like I would turn you away?” Ava laughed gently. “Be real.”

“Alright, alright. Point taken.” 

“Do you want to open your present now?” Ava asked as she sat up against the headboard. 

“May I?” Beatrice had been undeniably curious since Ava had given it to her. 

“Of course.” Ava retrieved the gift from the nightstand and handed it to Beatrice. “Read the attached note first, okay?” 

“Okay.” Beatrice agreed as she gently removed the paper taped to the top. 

_ To Beatrice,  _

_ I told you to open this box if/when you were having a bad day. So, I’m understandably sad that you’re opening this. I’m sorry you are not having a good time. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as best as you can - both physically and mentally, okay? And don’t forget that I love you.  _

_ I thought for a long time about what to get you. You’re not an easy person to shop for, you know that? Of course, then I realized that you wouldn’t want something so… Common, for lack of a better word. ALRIGHT, I’ll cut to the chase. :) _ _   
_ _   
_ __ I’ve had this (you’ll see in a moment) since I was a young girl. When my parents died, it was one of the very few possessions I held on to. Whenever I was scared or lonely, I’d hold onto it, and it helped me through. Maybe that sounds stupid, I don’t know, but I thought it could help you too. 

_ I love you, _

_ Ava _

Beatrice felt tears burn at her eyes as she pulled the stuffed bear from the box. It was wearing a knit Christmas sweater, though it was also missing an eye. 

“I know it’s stupid I just -”

“It’s not stupid.” Beatrice threw an arm around Ava and held her (and the bear) tightly for several minutes. “It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.” If she wasn’t already sure that she’d made the right decision, she was now.

When they broke apart, finally, Beatrice was surprised to see tears in Ava’s eyes too. “You really think that?” She asked in a tiny whisper.

“I do.” Beatrice was nothing if not completely sure. After she wiped away her own tears, she reached out and dried those from Ava’s cheeks. The gentle motion was followed with an even gentler kiss. 

“I love you a lot.” Ava mumbled as her cheeks flushed under the weight of her affections.

“I love you a lot.” Beatrice echoed, before reaching for her gift for Ava. “I don’t know if this can top what you’ve given me, but I hope you like it.” 

“Beatrice, you coming back and spending this holiday with me is better than any gift in the world.” Ava told her with absolute certainty. 

Beatrice had wrapped the package immaculately, as she does everything, but Ava carefully undid one seam. Inside, a standard sized, bound notebook. With a confused expression, Ava opened the book. On each page, Beatrice had written detailed recipes, complete with drawings that provided a visual aid. 

“I thought we could learn together…” Beatrice whispered as she watched Ava pore over the intricately written pages. “I arranged them in order of increasing difficulty, plus added diagrams and suggestions…” She knew she was rambling but couldn’t help it. “Camila helped me with some of them and I went to the dumpling place you love, too. Mrs. Chen was reluctant to give up her secrets, but when I told her that it was for  _ her favourite customer,  _ then she opened up.” 

“You’d be willing to help me go through all of these?” Ava finally spoke, her voice thick with reverence. 

“Absolutely.” 

“Thank you.” Ava could feel the threat of tears once more. “This is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.” 

“ _ Thank you. _ ” Beatrice countered. “For everything.”


End file.
